My Mirror

I have been seeing myself a lot more clearly the past couple months. It is because of my new mirror--the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed one named Lia Jo.

Every word I say, every gesture, every expression, comes back to me from my little girl. It is quite unnerving, and more than a little humbling.

Last week she started making this noise, a little huff of pure annoyance, like "I can't believe you are doing something so irritating right now." As soon as I heard her doing it, I knew exactly where she picked it up. That's right--from me. I make that same noise with her, and with the dog, and Eleanor, and Dustin.

How many times do we do or say things without thinking? I didn't even realize how rude and disrespectful that little annoyed huff was, until I heard it come out of my two-year-old. Ouch.

So I talked to her about it, and said I know that I make that noise too sometimes, so let's both try to stop making the noise. It's been hard. I'm not used to being so careful about what I say and do. Is that awful?

A couple weeks ago I told her something, and she shrugged and replied, "I don't care." I was so startled--those words just sounded terrible coming from such a wonderful and loving little girl. Again, I knew just where she had gotten it. Dustin and I have both said that to her on occasion. Not in a cruel way--but not thinking about the harm words like those can do either. Again, I talked to her and told her that I don't want her to say "I don't care" because it is kind of rude. I gave her a different phrase to use, and she is now very diligent about catching herself and using the new phrase instead. She is doing a much better job than I am!

I have had to really bite my tongue and keep my words in check. It hasn't been easy.

The good news is, she has also picked up on some the things I do right. When Eleanor is crying she attempts to give hugs and wipe tears (Eleanor is not always cooperative). When I do something like cut up her pancake or make a ball out of play-dough, Lia tells me "Good job Mommy! You did so great!"

I am still getting used to this mirror thing. I had no idea how exactly my children would emulate me. I have seen other little girls who have the exact same expressions and mannerisms as their mothers, but seeing it in my own daughter is unnerving. I know I wont be able to be a good example to her about everything. I make a lot--a LOT-- of mistakes. I wonder if she will grow out of this mirror stage. I think not--because sometimes I see my sister or cousin or friend interacting with her child and think, "Wow, she just looked and sounded exactly like her mom."

Just when I think I have this Mom thing figured out, my kids change the game. I think it's been good for me to have to control myself more and watch what I do and say. I am so thankful for my little Mirror. I am supposed to be raising her and here she is, making me a better person. How about that?