Bridger

On Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013, my sister-in-law Appols texted the family that she was in labor, and later that day I got pictures of my beautiful new nephew, Bridger Washington Penman. I was so excited to see him, and made plans to go down the next weekend to hug and cuddle and love on the little guy.

We are still going down to see his family this weekend, but I won't get a chance to hug or cuddle or love on my sweet nephew. Instead, we will be at his funeral. It still hasn't sunk in that he is gone, and I never even got to hold him.

Bridger stopped breathing Friday morning, and after life-flighting him from Richfield to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake, they discovered he had a weak heart and his intestines were dying, releasing air and stool into his abdominal cavity. They did immediate surgery to clean out his abdomen, and he was stable and recovering from that surgery when Dustin and I were able to visit him Saturday morning. He was sedated and hooked up to all kinds of machines and tubes and had antibiotics pumping through his tiny body. I got to hold his hand and stroke his soft hair. It was heartbreaking to see him so small and sick, but we were hopeful that he would make it through the next few days so he could have more surgeries to save his life. Lia and Eleanor were not allowed into the NICU to see Bridger.  We left a few hours later with plans to come back the next day after his surgery.

Josh called Dustin around 6 that night, crying, to inform him that Bridger had passed away, and asked if he could call the rest of the family and tell them the news. Dustin made a few calls and then headed immediately to the hospital, getting lost in a snowstorm along the way, to be with his brother.

I am so eternally grateful that we live close enough to the hospital that Dustin was able to be there for his brother during this tragedy. He was able to comfort Josh and Appols and take some final pictures as they washed and dressed their baby for the last time, and spent some time holding the little guy before leaving the hospital empty-handed. Appols' parents were also there when little Bridger passed, and it was so comforting to her as she faced what no mother should ever have to.

Our family has grown so much closer during this tragedy. We are heartbroken that Bridger is no longer with us, but we are counting the miracles that have occured to make his passing a little easier. I'm glad he was brought to the hospital here in Salt Lake, because so many of his family were able to meet him who would not have gotten the chance if he had died in Richfield. His grieving parents were granted one more precious day with him as he lay in the hospital. Josh and Appols had decided to step out of the hospital for some food and a much-needed break when they received the call that he was declining, and even though their car kept overheating on the way back to the hospital, they still arrived in time for Josh and his father-in-law to give little Bridger a name and a blessing and spend some time with him before he passed.

I have been blown away by the outpouring of love and support our family has received in the day and a half since Bridger died. Over a thousand dollars have already been donated to Josh and Appols to help with funeral costs, and many of those donations came from people who don't even know them personally. Many of my friends and Dustin's friends have offered to help in any way. I am overwhelmed by the love that our family has been shown. Bridger's life was much too short, but already he has been able to bring people together and show us how much love and kindness there is in the world.

It will take our family and especially Bridger's parents a long time to heal from this profound and devastating loss. They are now planning a funeral instead of a Christmas, and no parent should ever have to do that. So many tears have fallen in the past few days. There is so much to mourn. My girls never got to meet their cousin. Bridger will never get to play with his big brother. So many hopes and dreams lost forever. We have felt the power of hundreds of prayers though. We have faith that Heavenly Father is watching over us, grieving with us, and putting His arms around us. We know that little Bridger is whole again, safe and forever saved in the arms of Jesus. We are blessed that God allowed one of his best angels to be a part of our family, on earth for only a few days but sealed to his parents forever.

Thank you all for your prayers and faith and support of our family. Bridger's funeral is this weekend, and I know his parents will need the extra strength and courage to face it. Please keep them in your prayers and in your hearts.

Dear Little Bridger, I am so glad I was able to meet you. I am so glad you are part of our family. Please watch over your Mommy and Daddy, and help them feel your presence and your love. We will always remember you, miss you, and love you.
Love, Aunt Maryann