Quality Time

I've been really making an effort lately to spent more quality time with my children. All too often, I find myself absorbed in the screen in front of me, getting after my girls for hitting the keyboard or trying to close the computer or whining my name over and over. Then I feel guilty realizing they are just trying to get my attention, and who can blame them? How boring to have a mom who's sitting on the couch all day behind a computer screen.

So when this morning, after getting my girls dressed for the day, Lia came up to me with a box dominos in her hands and wanted to play, I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend some "quality time" with my girls. It started out great. Lia and I built houses and trains, and Eleanor sucked on the dominos and knocked over the houses and trains. Lia was even willing to share the dominos with her sister without much fuss. We were having fun. Then Eleanor started crawling around with a domino hanging out of her mouth and I thought, Okay, I've got to get the camera. That is just too cute!

Bad idea, as it turns out. Lia followed me into the living room to get the camera and spotted the tablet on the couch. Immediately she started asking to watch cartoons on the tablet. What I said was, "No Lia, we're playing with dominos! Come play!" What I thought was, "What's the matter with you? Here I am making an effort to spend quality time with you, and you'd rather watch cartoons on the tablet? Come on, work with me here kid!"

We got back to the room and I tried to engage the kids in dominos again so I could take some super cute pictures, and well, things just sort of fell apart at that point. Eleanor became much more interested in trying to grab the camera than crawling around with a domino hanging out of her mouth. Lia kept pestering me about playing on the tablet, and then wanted to "take pictures" on the camera and tried to grab it out of my hands.

Okay, camera = bad idea. I put it in my pocket and thought, at least I can still try to salvage some quality time. It was too late though. By now Lia and Eleanor were both having a fit about the camera. So I gave up. We cleaned up the dominos, sat down on the couch, where Lia is now watching cartoons on the tablet and I am on the computer again, writing this. Eleanor is on the floor trying to drink Lia's apple juice out of her sippy, and Lia will probably have another fit when she sees her.

I think that is one of the hardest things about being a mom. When you try and try and try to be better and do things right, and it just doesn't work out. Like when you make your daughter an awesome super healthy lunch for once, and she throws it on the floor. Or when you get her looking perfectly cute in time for church, and as soon as you sit down in sacrament meeting she yanks her ponytails out and throws up on her dress. Or when you try to be "consistent" with disciplining your kid every time he hits or kicks or bites, and it doesn't seem to have any effect at all because he continues to hit and kick and bite.

Or when you try to spend "quality time" with your kids and it ends with everyone in tears.

It is hard to figure out how to keep picking yourself up and trying again and again and again, when everything you do seems like an exercise in futility. Sometimes you just have to give up for a bit.

But you know what? I think that's okay. It's okay for the kids to "win" every now and then. Cake for breakfast, cartoons on the tablet, jammies till dinner time, movie day so mom can just take a break. We need to be okay with failing sometimes, otherwise we get so caught up in being the "perfect mom" that we start falling apart when it doesn't work out.

I guess I'll take today and look on the bright side. Instead of, "Great, I failed at quality time today because it ended with everyone in tears," I think I'll tell myself, "Hey girl, you had fun and played on the floor with your girls for ten whole minutes today! That is better than nothing! You did it!"

It's all about celebrating the little wins.