My sisters dropped off a few boxes of my stuff that has been sitting at my parents' house since I moved out. My treasured, carefully boxed "stuff" consists mostly of old schoolwork and journals, saved birthday cards and junior high notes, and a lot of Young Women and Girl's Camp handouts. I have been working my way through the boxes for the past few days, and I have to say, I have been quite enjoying myself. Reading through old notes and cards and letters, I have come to realize a few things.
I have been blessed with incredibly loving and supportive family and friends. I was not the coolest kid in school, and looking at pictures it's clear I was certainly not the most fashionableeither, but I always had people who loved me despite my flaws. I have friends with whom I would laugh until I was breathless and tears were running down my cheeks. I have family who wrote me letters of love and encouragement my first year of college, and I had roommates who left sweet notes that uplifted me when I was down. I had ups and downs as every teenager does, and I fought with my siblings and occasionally my parents, but my memories of my childhood are overwhelmingly happy. What a blessing!
I'm not too proud of this journal entry from 5th grade:
"In school, we chose buddies to E-mail in computers. I got stuck with R**** R****. She's the worst girl in the class. She argues with Mrs. K and never gets in on time from recess. She wont do her work. But worst of all, she thinks I'm her FRIEND!
XOXO, Maryann"
Ouch! Thankfully, I can say that I was never rude to this girl to her face. I don't know if it says much about my character as a 10-year-old that I was nice to her face but rude behind her back, but at least I was not a bully. And I can also say that my character improved as I grew. I read through the comments in my yearbooks from junior high and high school, and while most of them were the typical "never change!", "HAGS!", and "Your cool c-ya next year!", a few people wrote things like "Thanks for taking the time to get to know me," "Thanks for always being nice to me," and "Thanks for noticing me and saying 'hi' in the halls." I feel good knowing my shallow 5th-grade self grew into someone who was not perfect, but at least kind.
Another thing I realized digging through my box of stuff is that once upon a time, I was SMART! I kept my old AP Calculus notebooks and glancing through the pages, I am amazed that I was actually able to do that stuff. I even got the highest score possible on the AP Calc exam. In fact, so much of my identity as a teenager was wrapped up in my perception of my own intelligence that I am working on another post about it. It's been cool comparing how I used to look at myself with how I see myself now.
So that's what I've been up to lately. I think I'll box up all of my precious "stuff" and maybe look through it again in a few years. I've been amazed at the perspective I've gained in the short eight years since I moved away from home. It will be fun to see what else I learn about myself when I do some more digging through the past in the years to come.
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