The Worth of our Girls

"Hand in Hand," by Greg Olsen

Here's yet another post about something I read online that sparked my interest. I think that's a good thing, though, isn't it? Reading things that make us think, and then deciding to change something in our lives based on that. What's the point of reading articles and blog posts and things if not to change our perspective or change what we do?

Anyway, this particular article is called "How to Talk to Little Girls," by Lisa Bloom. She makes the eye-opening observation that when we interact with little girls, our first instinct is to compliment them on their appearance. Cute dress, pretty hair, aren't you so darling, etc. After stopping and thinking about this, I realized that I tend to do that. Bloom believes that this is because of society's underlying, sometimes hidden attitude that women and girls are only as valuable as their good looks. She says that by talking to a girl about things she has control over, such as her interests, rather than her looks, we can send her a positive message that she is important and interesting as an individual, not just a pretty face.

I've been thinking about this for a few days, and decided to really observe my interactions with my own daughters. I was amazed to discover that when I compliment and praise my daughters, the phrases that first come out of my mouth are, "You are adorable!" or "You are such a pretty girl!" or "Oh you are just too cute!"  Of course, when I say these words, my heart is focused on everything I love about my daughters: their personalities, their sense of humor, their pure hearts, their innocence, their all-around amazingness that makes me cherish and adore them. However, the words I use are usually somehow related to their looks.

So today I decided to make a conscious effort to praise my girls, especially Lia, for their actions and their accomplishments instead of just their looks. It was harder than I expected. My usual phrases would jump instantly to my head, and I would stammer a bit before coming up with something like "Lia, you're .... um, such a great helper!" I commented on the different colors she used in her coloring book, and thanked her for not making a mess at the dinner table. I felt like I was doing a pretty good job.

As I was getting Lia ready for bed, I looked her in the eyes and said, "Lia, I love you because you are wonderful, kind, helpful, and smart."

She tossed her hair and said, "I love me because I'm pretty."

At two years old, my daughter has already begun to associate her self-worth with her looks.

Now, I know that two-year-olds are fickle and change their minds every few seconds. I also know that Lia doesn't really know what she's saying half the time. I don't think I've failed as a parent, but this experience did make me realize that in order to combat the overwhelming pressure society puts on our little girls to look perfect, we need to make a deliberate effort to let them know that they are valuable and worthwhile regardless of their looks.

Of course in my own home, I plan on teaching my daughters that their worth comes from the fact that they are precious, cherished children of our Heavenly Father. Nothing can have a bigger impact on a person's idea of their own worth than knowing that fact. However, I can't teach that to every little girl I come in contact with. I can, however, do what Lisa Bloom suggests in her article. The next time I have the opportunity to speak to a little girl, I'm going to ask her to tell me what she likes to do. And I'm probably not going to stop telling my daughter that she has beautiful hair (because let's face it, she does). But I am going to start taking more opportunities to teach her what really makes her important and worthwhile--she is a Daughter of God, unique in every way, full of ideas, creativity, and love. My daughters are amazing, and so are yours! Let's remember to let them know that, every chance we get. 

"Infinite Worth," by Del Parson