Yesterday we went to Newton Reservoir with Porters. It wasn't much of a beach, and there were "pokeys" and mud everywhere, but it was still fun. The water was freezing of course, but that didn't stop Edgar from dunking up to his neck. Lia probably would have gotten wet as well, but I didn't bring a change of clothes for her, so we just rolled up her pants and let her wade. The bank was made up of some smooth compacted dirt or rock, covered by the slipperiest mud you'll ever step into. I was fully expecting Lia to slip right into the lake, but she was super careful and never did. I didn't let Eleanor wade because I knew she'd end up soaked. I'm a mean mom, I know. She had cookies to eat, though, so she was fine.
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| What is it about kids and beaches? Instant love. |
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| Don't mind the dirty shirt. When we came home, there was sand everywhere! |
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| Favorite picture: Lia was slipping in the mud and calling for help, and Edgar immediately ran over to her with his hand outstretched. It was pretty adorable. |
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| Second favorite picture: Edgar was covered in mud, so Kim just stripped him naked and rinsed him in the lake before putting on a clean diaper and pants. This is my girls staring at butt-naked Edgar yelling about his freezing bath in the lake. They were totally transfixed. It cracked me up! |
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We hardly ever take pictures of us anymore. So here is one.
On a totally unrelated note, I am really having a hard time at church lately. Specifically with Eleanor. Sacrament meeting is okay, because Dustin is there to help. However, he got called to be a Primary teacher a couple months ago, so now I have Eleanor all to myself for the last two hours of church. And every week I find myself wondering why I even bother going to Sunday School and Relief Society. Eleanor is at that stage where all she wants to do is run around. She has zero interest in the toys and books I bring to church. She will not sit nicely on my lap. Sunday School is usually okay, because I can sit in the middle row, with people on the ends of the row, so she can't escape. I don't get anything out of the lesson because I'm constantly retrieving toys she's thrown and picking up cereal and trying to keep her entertained. So I'm not involved in class, but at least Eleanor is somewhat under control. In Relief Society, however, there is no control at all. I am in the R.S. Presidency, so I am supposed to sit up at the front of the room. This gives me no way to corral Eleanor, and she roams around the classroom if the doors are shut, and if they are open she immediately darts into the hall. She helps herself to the toys, bottles, sippies, books, and treats in the other ladies' church bags. She walks in circles around the speaker. She screams if I try to keep her on my lap. She tries to play the piano. She runs over to the babies in the carseats and pokes them in the face or rocks the carseat. Most Sundays, we end up circling the halls for most of the hour. The real clincher is that she won't be old enough for nursery for another six months.
I don't know what to do. I can't force her to sit on my lap because she screams and throws a fit. (And remember how I'm sitting in front of everyone? Yeah that makes it worse.) I feel like I should somehow have more control over her, but there's only so much you can do in church, because you don't want to make a scene when other people are trying to listen to the lesson. I know the ladies in my ward aren't judging me or anything, I mean there are at least 4 other kids Eleanor's age who come to Sunday School or Relief Society or both with their parents. I see a lot of them walking the halls too. My problem is, it is so hard for me to want to attend church like I'm supposed to, only to spend two hours walking the halls and getting absolutely nothing out of it. I want to be able to sit and actually listen to a lesson in Relief Society. We have some great teachers, and I haven't been able to listen to more than about five minutes of the lesson in months. It totally bums me out. It just feels so pointless. What's the point of staying after Sacrament Meeting just to walk the halls or pick up cereal for two hours? I wish I could just give Eleanor to Dustin once in a while, but he teaches the 4-year-olds, and I don't imagine that throwing a very active 1-year-old into a room of 4-year-olds would go over very well.
I miss church. I miss hearing the lessons. I never went through this exactly when Lia was this age, because Dustin was there to help me out. I don't know what to do. I need some advice from some of you mamas out there who experienced the same thing. Tell me it'll get better, tell me I'm somehow benefiting from sitting in Sunday School chasing down cheerios and walking the halls during Relief Society. Tell me how to do this for six more months....
(So I just read over this post, and it sounds really whiny. If you're sitting there thinking, "Oh geez, get over it, everyone with toddlers at church is in the exact same boat," well I don't blame you for thinking that. It's probably true. But I am really struggling with this right now and I thought maybe some of you might have some advice. Everyone whines now and then, right?)
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4 comments:
Church is rough with kids. I think every parent feels like it's no longer uplifting and inspiring every week- I know I've felt that way. One week that was especially hard during calving season. Picture a month or more of church without William and still two kids. Hard. People often stepped up to help, but after meetings one day, a sister in my ward told me that sometimes we go to church just so that our kids will see and learn that it's important to go to church. Of course we take the sacrament, but she said that as she kept going to church even when it was hard, she doubled her efforts at home and felt especially blessed with the spiritual nourishment she needed for the week in her own personal study. Now I know that can be hard too, I sure don't study my scriptures like I wish I did, but it really hit home. Sometimes I crave feeling the spirit and being enlightened, and yet it doesn't always come while I'm running around in the Primary and then taking care of kids through sacrament. So that's my first thought.
Second is to not be afraid to ask for help- is there a sister you could ask to watch Eleanor during Relief Society? Could Dustin get a substitute teacher for his class once a month so you could have a break? I'm sure the RS would understand if you need to sit in the back with your one year old instead of in front, just talk to them about it.
Good luck. It sure isn't easy, but I remind myself often that this is only for a season and when you put church attendance as a priority in your life, you and your kids will be blessed.
The biggest thing to keep reminding yourself is what has already been said: this is establishing a pattern, and an example. I know it feels like ages, but 6 months can sweep past in a complete blur....when you are enjoying them. I finally had to learn that one with our 2nd little one when he went through something similar. I was seriouly missing lessons on a regular basis (one lady in the ward was convinced that I was completely inactive and kept sending the missionaries to help me, lol) and was reaching a point where I started losing any diser to even go to church. Then someone pointed out that when I was walking the halls, I had an opportunity to see/visit with sisters and brethren who also were missing lessons...and whom could truly use a pick-me-up spiritually because of that. So, we started trying to talk about the given lesson as we paced the hallway like lions. I learned things I never would have while sitting in class, and realized that it was my own attitude. I started reading and studying more actively too, which helped adjust the attitude as well. The other benefit was that I got to see something with my son that otherwise never happened: time alone with only him. Sometimes I really miss those times where it was just he and I, but boy do I remember the frustration and letdown before I found a way to change my perspective. Remember: you are NOT alone. The sisters in this ward do understand because they have been in the same boat (or are pacing those halls with you) so don't worry over that ever. And remember: some day, as hair-tearing as it can be, you will miss this...now just find the thing that helps you enjoy it before it is gone. You can do this, you are amazing!!!
(I wrote a big long comment to this on my phone and then it erased it before i could post it. grrrrr. take 2)
I remember feeling this exact same way with Zach! He would not ever sit still, and oh man that kid does not have a quiet inside voice. He is loud. I finally decided that i would stop trying to make him sit nice through both sunday school and relief society and i would just pick one that i was going to try to attend. (Tim was in the Elders quorum and could never take him and was usually not in sunday school.) So i would let zach run all over the church during one class and then he would maybe eat a snack and stay quiet and still enough that i could concentrate on at least part of a lesson. I did do a lot of talking to the other mom's and sometimes dad's in the halls. There was a whole slew of women who had babies about the same time i had zach. Maybe you can coordinate with the other mom's who have kids your age and have everyone sit strategically so the kids are more or less contained on one side of the room?? Or you could get a backpack leash and tie her to a chair. Hahahahah. Only joking. Knowing her though she would think it was funny to drag the chair behind her. Hey, maybe you could ask Mira to come to your ward once a month to help out in Relief society? Maybe on the days you conduct or something? Good luck! I love you and that crazy Enna.
p.s. I love those pictures!
I would totally come to church with you and sit (or walk the halls) with her! I have a rough time going to church and I don't even have kids, so you're already doing better than I am!!
Miranda
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